Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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