Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
