I accidentally had phone sex last night
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
