We're facebook friends in real life
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
