Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize