is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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