if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I FOUND THE LEGS
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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