He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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