Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
