Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
