You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
