Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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