Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
