I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
