You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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