he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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