Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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