You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
