I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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