I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
