Umm I'm too high to move.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
