fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
