I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize