I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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