Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
