First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
