Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
