Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
