My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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