I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
