So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
