Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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