you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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