the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
