haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
