elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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