You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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