new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
