Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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