I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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