walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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