im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
