I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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