shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
