She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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