Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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