last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
