help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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