My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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