planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
