I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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