Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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