Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
