More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
