Well douche your snatch and let's go!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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