I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
