i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
