reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
