I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
