You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
