dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
